You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
A poem by Russel Kelfer.
For some reason this words got stuck in my mind even though my heart is breaking.
My younger sister (11 years younger than me) had a miscarriage this morning. It is her 3rd miscarriage in a year and she was three months pregnant this time. As I went through this myself struggling to get pregnant (that is why my children are so far apart) I can feel her pain as my own today. My biggest wish is that I can put my arms around her and hold her tight as there are no words to comfort her now. I am so far away from all my family. I miss them terribly and I hate the fact that I cannot be there for her.
I resent living so far away from all. I miss them all the time. I should be there for them and I simply CANNOT.
I got so many scars at the moment that needs healing. So pain affects me badly, it throws of my whole equilibrium. I always thought I was a strong person but the last few years proved me wrong.
I think what I need is a soundproof padded room so I can just get this scream out of my body that is stuck inside of me and causing me not to breath properly anymore. To get rid of this anger and to be able to rip this negative emotions out of me will be so heavenly.